Honey, We're Moving to New Bedford!

I know, I know ... global climate change is a bad thing.  People in the Southeast have been hammered by severe weather.  Some midwestern states are under tornado watches right now while others are under fire warnings.  The Northwest is experiencing significant snowfalls as I am typing.  Those are only the weather extremes that are happening in this country;  global headlines this winter have been truly unbelievable.

So with the utmost respect to all those that have been suffering through these difficult conditions ... today was great!  Holy moly!  If this is global warming, well I feel like firing up the coal powered Humvee and taking the scenic route to the pastures so I can feed the cows some broccoli.

I know that human driven climate change will lead to dramatic shifts in weather patterns, rising sea levels, ocean acidification, mass extinctions, increased difficulty in feeding our growing population, and the forced migration of huge numbers of people.  As a counterpoint, however, I would like to offer some weather data collected in New Bedford during the month of January:

OK ... too much data for a typical American reader to digest.  Fair point.  Let me give you the SparkNotes* version by zooming in on just the recorded temperatures and indicating the times when the high reached or surpassed fifty degrees:

The weather has been amazing this winter.  I kind of regret going through all of the trouble with our snow tires back in November.  There was only one time that we needed them, and that was the storm that hit a month before I put them on!

Don't worry, my snow tires were warm and dry when I took this picture.

This was the only real snow we had during actual winter months:

That was on a Saturday, January 21st.  If you look back at the data, you will see that it hit fifty-two degrees the following Monday.  One weekend of winter, with very limited snow tire application.

So I'm taking the tires off tomorrow.  For the rest of you, that means hunker down.  We can't get away with such a string of fair weather.  Ned Stark might be a head shorter, but "Winter Is Coming."  (If you are aware of that reference, then it could not have been too much of a spoiler.  If you have just ordered Season 1 on DVD ... sorry.  Peter Dinklage is quite good.)

So I will enjoy the flowers and sleep well knowing that my snow tires will be unsullied by the next big storm.  (another Game of Thrones reference there, but you need to read the books for that one.)

Oohhh ... flowers!

PS - Goose dies in Top Gun.

*SparkNotes are an electronic take on the ubiquitous "study guides" sold under the title of CliffsNotes.  People who use SparkNotes often live in a mixed state of sloth, procrastination, and moral haziness; they have Internet access; and they have never heard of Wikipedia.

Weekly Recap

Good stew

For the astute gourmands out there, that is indeed a Dutch oven.  I know ... I thought it was a joke too!

Over the past few days, you have learned some interesting details about the state of Connecticut and learned about my guilty carnovorism.  Let me, therefore, tie it all together with this little recommendation:

Face it, if you're driving in Connecticut you will end up in traffic.  Hey, I got an idea ... let's have a huge number of people that work in New York live in the 'burbs.  Now let's connect those people's homes with a major highway, but let's only put two lanes in some places, for fun.  It will be okay, there's a Parkway with ugly bridges that will help with traffic.

If you are parked on I-95 and happen to be near Exit 24, set your GPS for 306 Black Rock Turnpike, in Fairfield.  Some locals will suggest Rawley's, and there is merit to having a deep fried hot dog.  I promise you, though, this is the place to go.  Super Duper Weenie is ... 

I tried finishing that sentence four times without success.  Each version was worst than the previous.  They weren't even double entendre, just plain old entendre.  It's really difficult to heap praise on a place called Super Duper Weenie without sounding a little pervy.

FYI ... the term "double entendre" is meaningless in French, as are the phrases: "we should not go on strike," "I have studied military history," and "let's welcome the Muslims!"  (writes the citizen of a country where an "occupy movement" has been going on for six months, that learned nothing from the British Empire or Soviet Union about Afghanistan, and has a sparkling track record in Muslim relations.)

Who wants a hot dog? Oh, I see ... Haram, you say?  Are you sure hot dogs aren't halal? You're quite sure.  I ... ah ...  Can we talk about it over a beer?  Oh ...

Mommy, She Was Cutting and Slicing Without Any Emotion At All!

For free range cattle they don't ... range very much.

I'm a carnivore.  I'm not proud of it.  I understand the huge waste of resources that goes into breeding, feeding, inoculating, and butchering my hamburger.  I am aware of the horrible treatment and cruelty many of these animals experience before becoming a meal.  I cannot articulate what makes one animal an acceptable pet and another an acceptable ingredient. This shirt makes me giggle.

I have considered weening myself of flesh with Graham Hill's plan:

I just like meat too much.  The sandwich at lunch is a mindless (and yummy) grab.  I don't know how to pair a wine with tofu.

I bring this up because I am waiting for a shoe to drop.  It's not a call from my doctor about my cholesterol.  It's a visit from the vegetarians.  You see, the young daughter of a family of vegetarians stopped by our place today.  She came to play with our daughter.  She arrived shortly after my wife and I returned from grocery shopping.  My wife had a beautiful beef shoulder on the cutting board and was carving it up to be marinated overnight.  To the jaded and cynical apex predator that I am, it seemed like an every day occurrence.  To a juvenile, animal loving, vegetarian ... it must have looked like a scene from Dexter.  Fortunately she was so fixated on our daughter that I don't think she noted the gruesome acts that were occurring just a few feet from her.  She certainly didn't comment or ask any questions.  I am just waiting for her to wake up from some horrific nightmare tonight and then explain to her entire vegetarian household what terrors haunt her dreams.

If you need to get a hold of me tomorrow, don't call.  I'm not planning on answering the phone.  Coming over may not be a great idea either.  The shades will be drawn, and although you may think you hear my voice inside, I promise you I'll be out of town.

If you are interested in some beef stew tomorrow night, however, we may have a little left over.