Yul Brynner, Walt Frazier, & Chevy Chase Were Great In That Movie!

If yesterday's post highlighted adult addictions, these are the vices of a toddler.

So that is what a catnip plant looks like.

There are only five rules that govern my daughter's life.  That is precisely half the number of rules that Charlton Heston brought those Idol Worshippers after forgetting his Just For Men up by the Singing Bush.  Still, my daughter has the hardest time remembering them.  I understand that she is not even one year old, doesn't speak yet, and can't even walk at this point.  These are pretty straightforward rules, however:

1. Don't touch the electrical outlets.
2. Don't touch the trash cans.
3. Don't play with the sliding glass doors on the entertainment center.
4. Don't whack your #43 Bobby Labonte Cheerios Matchbox car against the windows.
5. Don't eat the catnip.

Clearly these are not things that my wife and I came up with out of the blue.  These are rules that have been born out of necessity.  You would be amazed how often each of these rules must be invoked on a daily basis!  The Conley family has been working hard to define and enforce boundaries.  Two of us are OK with this course of action and have stood firm with these Five Commandments.  The third member shows little regard for these limitations.  In fact, recent actions by this unnamed party have brought forth our own version of a constitutional convention.  By a two-thirds majority, the Conley family has ratified the following:

• Don't drop things in the child's hand-sized opening that can be found on the front of daddy's subwoofer.

The vortex that taketh away one rule while giving birth to another.

Normally, the addition of this rule would wreak havoc upon the orderly household that has been established by the Conleys.  Five is a good number for a list; six is not.  If a list is to be made, it can have 3, 4, 5, or 10 items on it.  Any other number does not work for lists.  Items should be added or removed, or the list should be broken up into smaller lists to accomodate the chi of proper list formation.  Fortunately, the fates agree with me and my wife.  Our daughter's actions today did require the creation of this new rule, but also made one of the older rules obsolete.

Rest In Peace, Good Buddy

That's right, Miniature Bobby Labonte has run his last lap ... crashed into his last picture window.  Lil' Bobby and his Bitty Cheerios Car will spend eternity vibrating to the bass that accompanies my classic rock collection.

I'll give you my miniature #43 race car when you pry it from my cold, dead ... Ooops!  Oh crap.  Better start crying.